1, 2, 3 nipple!

So we left the hotel and carried the enormous teenage mutant ninja turtle bags a few blocks to Central Station. We waited and along came a big blue bus to take us away for a surfing holiday. We were greeted by Dylan and Tim who are exactly what you would expect a surfer to be like. Imagine the turtles in Nemo and you’ve got them – that image kept popping into my head everytime they spoke lol.

We put the bag on the bus and started to travel in the direction of surf camp. It took a lot longer than expected because (once again) a bush fire had started and the highways had been closed. Loads of locals lined the streets taking photographs and we were introduced to Elvis the water helicopter as he flew by. Must be scary to live somewhere near one of those fires.

On the bus we were told that the aim of the trip was to teach us to surf and to learn to appreciate the lifestyle and culture of a surfer. Basically chill out, drink alot and hang out at the beach. Sounds nice. Well most of it – alcohol and me do not mix well as we know! πŸ˜‰

It took us a little longer than expected to get to the camp as there were big bush fires again. These ones had closed the main highway which meant that Matt and I felt right at home in a big traffic jam for a couple of hours. The locals were out with their cameras taking pictures of the flames lapping very close to their own homes and gardens and I have to say I was very concerned for the well being of the little Quarley bears who would have lost several resting places. We were introduced to Elvis though, the big helicopter whose job it is to douce the flames with water that it pick up from the sea.

When we did arrive at the camp it wasn’t exactly as glamorous as it appears in the brochure. The estate was clearly once a very lovely and luxourious resort then some bright spark realised that if they took one of the villas with a mezzanine bedroom and open plan lounge, kitchen and diner they could rip out the furniture and squeeze enough bunk beds in there to house 18 people. It was very compac and Bijou! There was a bathroom and toilet with one shower in. The water was from a bore hole in the ground and was not suitable to drink. Instead they provided rain water in cooled tanks for us to swalllow – very nice.

There was a shower block with 6 showers and two loos in it. This was a strange place too though. There were contemporary, posh sinks with lovely pebble effect tiling and nice mirror and then there were 6 sheds with a shower in each lol. Most of them were occupied by at least one spider and some dead moths. LOL. Ah well we’ve slept in a swag in the outback so it wasn’t all that bad but the brochure does make it look very much more snazzy than it actually is!

After we’d had some lunch we went to the first beach. It was beautiful and very empty. It’s situated in a national park which means that not many people visit it as it’s not all that touristy. Perfect for beginning to surf. we laid our surfboards in a semi circle for the first lesson and put on our wet suits.

We were told by Tim and Dylan about what each of the parts of the board were and then he showed us how to find our “sweet spot” – to find it you lie on your board with your feet hanging off the end and make sure that you’re body is in the middle. This way you won’t over balance and fall off. You ahve to be ready to jump straight into your “sweet spot” as soon as you find a wave that suits.
The aim of the first lesson was to learn to “ride the waves” to make sure that we could catch one and stay on the board all the way to the beach.
in order to do so you have to jump on the board, lie down in your sweet spot and paddle. When you’ve got the wave you think you want to catch (that make it sound like a choice – the next one heading for you is the one that will take you not the other way around!) you wait until it hits the back of you feet push you feet up so your toes rest on the edge of the baord and they’re pointing upwards and count to three. 1,2,3 then you ” grab your nipples!”. I know. I know it sounds mad and I though they were joking too. They’re not though. It’s basically a silly way of reminding yourself that your hands need to be under your breasts/ chest and its an excuse for a couple of males to mention nipples! 😐 lol Anyway you grab your nipples and then push down with your hands on the board, pulling yourself up so that your weight moves \back propelling your forward.

at the end of the lesson we all went into the water to try it out. It was ok and despite” wiping out” (falling off into the sea and drinking alot of it) a few times I eventually manged to get myself “all the way to the beach” πŸ™‚ Woo hoo. I rode dem waves!

Time for lesson 2 – STANDING UP- GULP.
To do this you follow the same technique and add a sun salutation at the end. You 1,2,3 nipple, push up do a downward dog (stick your bum in the air) pull your right foot forward and stand up. Easy on the sand… Not so simple when ‘floating’ on a mean looking wave. lol.
I tried. I tried a lot but I couldn’t find my “sweet spot” fast enough to manage to squeeze it all in before I got to the beach. You have a cord attached to your leg thoguh so the board never goes far away.

The first time I tried to stand up it was the cord that was my down fall. 1,2,3 nipple. Up Downward dog – cord trapped. wrapped around other leg! Arghhh SPLASH salkty sea drink. Doh!
Second time. Come on. 1,2,3 nipple. lift, leg up…. come on… leg. Doh! Crash! No Sweet spot off and leg just wouldn’t lift up before I fell off the side!

\Third time. …. Crash into another boarder. lol

Along comes Dylan to give me a hand. Good good. 1,2,3, nipple, lift, push up… KNeww.. why is that on the board? Oh no. Just lie down… don’t fall off. Oh i’ve made it to the beach though! woo hoo.

Dyaln:” What happened? Where’d that knee come from? you have two chances to stand up you know. You wasted it. Don’t waste the waves they’re precious…”
Oh dear sensing laid back attitude does not include surfing… mmm.. Never mind. Keep trying.

I managed to half stand up once before it wqas time to return. On the up side i can now ride a waveon my belly with skill and can even make the board go left and right to avoid other surfers… Good start I think.. πŸ™‚


Comments are closed.

  1. Anonymous 13 years ago

    Writing tip:

    please please please please please please stop putting LOL after each sentance. If the story is funny there is no need to emphasise it with the use of LOL. That is all.


  2. Mochinbach 13 years ago



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