It came in a shiny new box, it lasts for 4 years and it controls the minds of my parents. It sits in the living room taking up a full 54″ of space against a wall and is a thin as a short paperback novel. Recently it required an upgraded box to be attached to it which cost a further £300. This was so that the messages it transmits can be made much more crystal clear – especially when showing things “outside”.

It commands the attention of my parents for at least 5 hours a day, sometimes more. It shows them stories; mostly about crime, aliens or red boxes with numbers in them.

This evening it was singing songs and asking someone to leave when world war three broke out in the living room.

Picture the scene. I have come to accept that the large, paperback thin, monstrosity takes over the will power of my parents. I am sitting through yet another story; this time about young people who want a million pounds to work for someone who tells them they’re rubbish most of the time. The story has reached a climax; someone must leave and face the fact that the million pounds will never be theirs. Outside the grey clouds are rolling ominously across the sky but no one could have for seen the events which followed.

A small message appeared on the enormous entity in the corner of the room:

“Warning there is clash in recordings.
Casualty – recording
The Far West – start recording at 9:20.
You must select one of these stories and cancel the recording.”

Questions are raised. Which is more important? Why is this message obscuring the view of the tension provided by the stupid story? Then it happens…. It all goes black.

“Oh well that’s it… That was ALL I wanted to see..”
“K why did you go pressing buttons?”
“I didn’t!”
“Well now I’ve missed it… I just wanted to see that bit. It was the only bit I wanted to see!”

Screaming, shouting, cursing and then silence..

“Don’t give me the silent treatment X I didn’t do anything!”

I left the room in tears… of laughter. Seriously, is the X factor, Casualty and The Far West so important to our lives that we need to almost kill each other when the TV accidentally gets switched off!??

Their PERSPECTIVE must have been obscured by the enormous television screen!


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