Image from: http://yeskarthi.wordpress.com

There are pivotal moments in life when decisions get made, some of them uncomfortable, and then everything changes.  I’m sure I’ve made hundreds of these decisions in my life time. Which A levels? Which Degree? Which school to apply for a job in? Where to live after Uni? etc. All of which have shaped the path that I have trodden.

Do you remember that poem that Mr Quinn (and possibly hundreds of other teachers) used to talk about? The Road Not Taken by Mr R Frost? It’s the one in which ‘a man’ – probably Mr F – is reflecting upon the choices he has made in his life and how one choice, where he “…took the one less traveled by… made all the difference”.  For all the groaning that we used to do, for all the thoughts of how cheesy it was and how we really didn’t need to hear this in assembly as often as we did, for all the whining… i did exactly as he described.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I also took the “one [road] less traveled by” and it has made an enormous difference to my life.

So many fantastic opportunities, experiences and learning. So many, in a place which is both the same and incredibly different to where I was born.  Strangely, though, despite these wonderful, new and exciting opportunities there are days where I feel very much like being here just isn’t good for me.  A strange thing to say I know.  Since we arrived that untrodden road has never let up. Instead of become a familiar, safe place the road has continually pushed and challenged us.

I’d like a break now please.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is a wonderful thing to do because of the new experiences that you will get but, at some point, you need to be able to establish a new bubble to protect yourself in.  Otherwise the road less travelled becomes very overgrown, thorny and a lot of hard work.

Ignorance is bliss.  You’re ignorant to what’s out there but you have no idea what you’re missing.  What i’ve got here is a very clear idea of what’s out here, what I love and why I want to be here. But, I also remember a time when things were far more simple.  It’s strange how having a full-time, straight forward job (as straight forward as teaching can be..), a mortgage to worry about and the difficult descions about how to divide up the spare time I did have between family and friends (who were just around the corner) seems like a utopia I’m missing.

In truth, had I have taken the road more travelled and stayed in the U.K. a lot of the challenges we are facing now would be just the same.  These are not caused by Australia but by something else that isn’t circumstance related. A lot of our friends also took new paths. They don’t live near Northfield any more, they’re in London, Reading, America, Heaven.  The place I used to work in won’t be the same as it was 3 years ago, not for me, because I’m not the same ‘professionally speaking’ either.

Perhaps these feelings are less to do with being an Expat and more to do with getting older and “wiser”? It’s hard to tell. I certainly don’t think dealing with unpredicted fertility issues, career pathways or financial slow downs goes under the umbrella of ‘Expat’.  The only part that might, is the alienation from those who might be able to support you and help you to get through it – usually by making tea, slapping my back into some sense of perspective and force feeding me biscuits.

Last night I just wanted to have a melt down on a mate who would metaphorically slap me back into some perspective.  There is still sooo much going on that sometimes I get lost in it all. It’s not easy and it’s made so much harder when the friends you have made are all such young friendships.  There’s the added problem that the context in which these difficulties lie is alien to most of my oldest friends.  And… I don’t really feel that it’s fair to unload and discuss this crap with them over Skype, when I chose this myself.

Ah the joys of being an Expat

Why am I writing this down? I know what my mates and family from the UK will say. Call me – anytime - we’re still here.  I know that it might sound depressing. Last time I wrote something like this my BIL wrote a comment about keeping me away from sharp objects (lol).  This post isn’t about gaining sympathy or resolution.  I’m not looking for anyone to provide a solution; that’s something that will come to us when its meant to.  I guess, I’m writing this for two reasons:

For those who are expats, who read this blog and want some honesty… because although this is a wonderful experience.. it isn’t easy.. it is a challenge and it can be lonely sometimes – no matter how many new friends you make

and

For myself.  Because I need to remember that I chose this wonderful path for a reason and that it is going to be worth it.  That I still have many more choices to make – As usual, I just need to make them.

and because today is the day that we try again with another embryo.

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Someone trying to get her out of bed before lunch on a weekend?

This is Miss Zoe Elizabeth.  Daughter to Mrs K and Mr A Foster and she’s lovely isn’t she!

Mum called me at 3:30am to let me know – she was born around 6pm UK time you see – I was so asleep that all I remembered when i eventually woke up was that she was a girl and something about a 7.  When I spoke to Mum again later I was told that she was 7lb, 6.5, has long fingers (so she’ll be a guitarist/pianist then), with long nails (guitarist then) and lots of black hair on her head.  Apparently, when she’s all grisly and crying (bearing in mind the poor girl had been ‘out’ for about 2 hours when mum visited) all you have to do is let her hold your finger and she’ll stop (handy and cute).

I have named this little person Micro.  I will probably be the only person to address her as such but, as my sister has been ‘mini’ – as in ‘mini Clarke’ for so long, it only seems fitting that this little one be called ‘micro’. so:

Micro,  When you eventually get to go home (maybe at the weekend) look out for a parcel with your name on… it was meant to arrive before you did but you came a little early. Sorry about that! Hope you like what’s inside!

Aunty S and Uncle M.

x

I was most excited to be meeting two men who I have a lot of respect for.  Mishra and Khoeler, the guys who managed the find a framework that I can work with and use to explain how to effectively integrate technology into any classroom.  As this isn’t my teacherly, technological blog I won’t go on too much but it was exciting to hear them speak about a shared passion.  Particularly as they are sooooo damn clever and very cool!

Matt (My Matt not Mr K) kept teasing me about how star struck I might be crying about “the Nexus” and how beautiful it was. Lol…It is pretty awesome in that Nexus though It’s also weird when the first time you see the people you’ve spent the last 12 months reading about is in the corridor outside the loo.  He  (I won’t say which one) was wearing a TPACK badge though… THAT made me jealous.  I want one of those to wear to the countless lectures and workshops I run on the framework

It’s amazing that I’ve had the opportunity to work with the people I have this year.  It’s been a pleasure to work with so many very clever, talented, passionate people from all over the country.  We even got a visit from the Minister for education.  That makes us, and this project, feel very special I think!

Matt’s in Sydney now, but he doesn’t get to meet people with badges…. oh no … so there… Maybe I ought to make him one?  There we go  Things are still going well there (yay!) so that’s good Now he has a badge I’m sure it will go even more swimmingly

He does, after all, have a cape and is, after a few bottles of beer, Batman… running through a park in the dark with his cape saving Gotham City from all sorts of no good hoodwinks

Are we as busy as we used to be in the U.K. ? Probably not.  Are we stressed – like we were in the U.K? – YES and then some!  I have days when I wish that I was worrying about getting my 360, 150 word reports done by tomorrow, days when being stressed because you just want some time to yourself and your social life is getting too busy, days when my biggest financial worry was how much we’d managed to save for our next adventure.  We’re in a funny place right now. It feels like we’ve been living on the edge of a spring-board for about 2 years and we’re still waiting to see if, when we land in the water, we’ll score a perfect 10 or achieve a massive, red, belly slapping belly flop.  Each outcome will bring its own set of new challenges for us to meet.

Teetering on the edge of babies, businesses, careers, house purchases and social circles is actually, surprisingly, quite tiring.  I got so stressed out dealing with one of my commitments that I actually left last week – choosing not to submit an application to continue my position on a committee I had high hopes of achieving much with.   It was the right decision, I won’t look back, but it’s actually quite hard to move away and stop helping…  A familiar feeling.

We’ve also decided to delay the FET transfer (Frozen Egg Transfer) and won’t be going ahead with that this month.  I’ve got a cold, I’m knackered, I’m in Sydney Thurs + Fri and Matt’s in Sydney for the whole of next week.  The timing is wrong. That means it wouldn’t be very easy to support each other and relax through the whole thing.  The nurses, thankfully, agreed with us so we’ll see where we’re up to next month.  Hopefully, relaxed, happy and ease!  Maybe the birth of 4or 5 babies (Kel, N8girl, Tina, Richard and Emma are all due in the next few weeks) will inspire us? I hope so.

The key, i’m sure is to just be relaxed……  Not so easy that at the moment though.

Melbourne's Walkway Cafes

In an attempt to achieve that missing nirvana, whilst exploring the possibility of moving interstate for work, we had a good wander around Melbourne last weekend.  We were both so knackered that, instead of spending the whole weekend meaningfully exploring suburbs and looking at properties we spent one afternoon in Mentone (and its surrounding areas) and then the rest of the weekend in the city eating, relaxing, wandering and talking.  One night we sat up talking until well into the wee hours – trying to right the world and organise our thoughts on things.

Melbourne is a fun place. It’s busy, bustling and full of life.  It has a very different personality to Adelaide with its mix of the much older and new.  Winding, close knit passageways holding cafes, bars and boutique shops eventually take you to the shiny new, modern icon of Australian retail – the Westfield Mall.  There is a charm to its scruffiness, it feels ‘older’, more established with its vast array of  stylish Georgian/Edwardian buildings.  It still has its horses and carriages.  The lovely creatures who pull carriages (copied from those designed for princesses so that they are suitable for tourists) are really not phased by squeaking trams, honking car horns or bustling people.  They feel right at home amongst the bustle of their city.

Couple that history and charm with the fashionable side of the city, the new boutiques, the small individually owned businesses, which sell wares from ports far and wide, as well as the funky community projects that surround you and it’s hard not to be impressed by the place.  It’s a mini, funky city.  Does that mean we want to live there – Right now? I don’t know.  I decided that there were too many things to be decided for us to make a decision… if you see what I mean.

In the meantime, keep sending happy thoughts to Matt and his business so that it grows and grows and we can put some more permanent roots down and start to relax a bit

1) What I went through was not normal.  29 eggs is not a normal, good thing.  The Dr was so pleased that I looked well.  Having been away the whole time I went through the process last month she hadn’t seen me, and apparently expected to see someone who was far more ill walk through her door.  I am apparently, unusually able to bounce back from things. I told her how I thought it wasn’t as bad I expected it to be and she laughed and said “God you’re a trooper!”

2) There is no reason why our embryo decided not to stay.  In her words, even though we made it happen the way it did “being pregnant is luck”.  That seems a little unfair after all the work we did but I guess creation is a fickle thing.  We certainly shouldn’t be worried that something isn’t working that we don’t know about.  Apparently, it’s only after 3 full Antagonistic IVF Cycles that questions are asked about those kinds of things.

3) It IS totally expected that the cycle following IVF is “not normal”. It is absolutely fine that, for some reason, ovulation didn’t occur until day 23 and it’s all very normal for things not to be normal. I should stop freaking out about that

4) It IS expected that once this current cycle completes – everything will return to normal – phew!

5) There is a 30% chance of success with a defrosted embryo – it was 50% with the “fresh” ones they used last time

6) There is a 10% chance that the embryo they defrost won’t survive being defrosted.  If that happens then they’ll just thaw numbers 2 and 3.  It would be really bad luck if they all failed to make it.. but it happens.

7) There’s a 4% chance that the embryo will split and we’ll have twins. This is the same whether we’re using a frozen embryo or a ‘fresh’ one.

8 ) Eggs do not, as I thought, leave the womb through menstruation. If they’ve failed to be fertilised, they die and disappear around 12 hours after they have been released.  menstruation is more about linings than eggs.  Therefore I don’t have to worry about silly things like dead eggs living inside me for 9 months with my new baby – when we’re successful.  Who ever we had for Year 8 biology has a lot to explain to me!

9) The stats we were given 1st attempt – 50%,  2nd attempt  - 70%, 3rd attempt – 90% refers only to complete cycles… In the case of IVF complete cycles mean injections, egg collection and transfer.  That means there is only a 30% chance of success with our frozen friends, not 70%  (see note 5)

10) Attempt number 2 starts as soon as my next cycle arrives.  I call on the first day of my new cycle, they count 10 days and take some blood.  If my hormone levels are normal and show that I might be ovulating then they organise for the embryo to be defrosted.  Because our little frozen friends are 4 days old, four days after they’re sure I’ve ovulated it’ll be placed back inside.  There are NO injections, NO hormone pills, NO hormone pessaries or creams.  Just me, nature and defrosted bunch of cells from a jar.  Sounds much better to me!

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Yorkshire Pudding of Yumminess

This week I perfected my home made yorkshire puddings, realised that temperatures over 35 degrees don’t bother me anymore, caught up with an ex- colleague from Shenley for a brief “hello” in my home turf and enjoyed the beach, at night, when the temperature dropped to around the mid 30s.

Pudding and Meat!? *&^?

I have to share this image of my Yorkshire with you because I’m rather proud of it!  Most of my Aussie mates here find the idea of a Yorkshire pudding confusing to say the least.  Firstly, there’s the word “pudding” to deal with…  To an Aussie a pudding is a very specific thing… it’s a Christmas Pudding or something simliar.  It’s not used  here to describe any generic dish that is served after the main, it’s a very specific type of desert.  I’ve told people I’ll bring “pudding” when I’ve gone for dinner and they’ve been very confused when they’ve received a “desert” in it’s place (silly Aussies!).  So, when I say Yorkshire pudding to a native of this fair land they’re already, instantly confused.  I’ve been asked things like:

“It goes on your plate? WITH the main course? What, next to your meat and everything? Why would you do that? You don’t put pudding on the same plate as your mains.. do you?”,

“Do they call it just ‘pudding’ in Yorkshire then?”

Needless to say, you don’t get Aunt Bessies Yorkshires in your local supermarket… if you did, you’d find them next to the steamed puddings…  and so… I had to learn to make it all from scratch (or pay for some chemically, additive driven powder form a shop which imports ‘british’ fair).  I hadn’t had a Yorky for ages (pudding, not choccy!) and was very pleased with the tasty ‘little’ attempt in the lasagna dish above!

Bubblin’Hot

(excuse the smiley leaves..)

such a shame...

Matt, paddling at sunset Lucky us!

It’s been between 35 and 42 every days for at least three days in a row.  Now, normally, under such extreme heat conditions you’d find me lying on the wooden floor, directly under air-con. Strangely, after two years here, I don’t seem to even get close to needing to do that anymore.  I used to genuinely feel quite sick when i got too hot.  Maybe I’ve learnt to change my behaviour or maybe my body is used to the heat now but I have been coping rather well with the hot, hot weather.  I can still drink coffee on a 38 degree day… a real achievement for the girl who loves snow and snuggling with a duvet doonah on a -5 day

Fringing it at the Fringe Parade

On Friday I heard tell that a travelling ex-colleague of mine was in my new home town!  After several Facebook messages back and forth we managed a quick “hello” whilst waiting for the Adelaide Fringe to start.  Those who are curious can rest assured that VB (no, not the drink..) is looking well and very much enjoying all that Australia has to offer

She certainly timed her visit well.  The Adelaide Fringe is second only to a little affair that goes on in Edinburgh. A massive celebration of the arts: music, drama, dance, writing, comedy – if you can classify it as art then it’s on show in Adelaide right now and the opening parade is always awesome.

Not only is it an opportunity for all the sponsors and performers to let us know what they have to offer it’s also the only day of the year where you will see purple giraffes, a space rocket (with aliens), Kermit the frog on a bike and countless other strange and wonderful creatures all strolling down King William Street.  This year the festivities were punctuated with a light show and fireworks. Melbourne South Bank style, King William Street was lit with exploding fireballs.  Of course, we’re Adelaide so we try to go one better… they added fireworks and pumping tunes to the mix – a recipe for a good time which ended in a pub down the road. Caz and I were so sensationally beautiful that a drunk 50 year old man tried to crack  onto us AND we had our picture taken by the pub photographer for their Facebook page….  (see the left)

It was nice to go out, be silly and have a bit of a laugh

oh.. did I mention that I also grew a pair this week and went to my very first, proper choir rehearsal in years!  The first concert is at Easter time at Elder Hall I very much hope to be in the front row as one of the fab. first sopranos.  It’s be a very long time but it was so good to sing again!  New Years resolutions?  On it!

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I have been tweeting random images to Instagramas often as I can.   They’re the ones that appear in the right hand corner over there —>

So, from them, I guess you can see that we’ve been finding UK. delicacies in the supermarket (HOB NOBS! and a Fry’s Mint Cream – to be nibbled of course), that Matt hasn’t managed to completely avoid  the joys of DIY and has spent the last few weeks lovingly restoring my hammock stand.  (I predict it will be ready just in time for.. winter.)  I’ve been to a GOOGLE workshop for High School teachers about Computer Science (which was interesting and scored me a Google Notebook and Pen – Blankety Blank style), that we’ve spent many hour using the fab tool Teamviewer to support parents back in the UK with  the set up of computerized gadgetry (sexy music to make it look like sexy tech in that video!) and that we finally received and framed the fab posters that N8Girl and her lovely hubby sent to us.  See… life is not dull in the Moch’ household… oh no!

…and now this post is possibly the most boring post I have ever written. No conversations about pre-labour bath poo here.

In truth, life has been bumbling along as it does.  We’ve been getting on with things and taking each day as it comes.  I’m feeling a lot better after the initial shock of failed attempt number one but I still find myself feeling quite tired and sleepy – perhaps I just need to catch up with some snoozeys?  I have no idea what’s normal in these situations!  I certainly haven’t got a lot to complain about now!   Thankfully, work is a very flexible environment and, although I continue to work very hard (I’m spending soo much time working in Moodle that I think I might turn into a module very soon) , I do have the flexibility to be able to work from home at the moment. That makes an enormous difference!  It cuts out the 45 min drive to and from work everyday for a start!

I did try and fulfill one of my New Year’s resolutions by  contacting a choir to see if I can join in.  They’re called The Soul Factor Gospel Choir.  I was looking for a youngish choir who looked like they were having fun.  I hope these guys are them!   I was hoping to go to my first rehearsal tonight but I’ve been sooo flipping busy I’ve forgotten to email the choir master and let him know I’m coming. I’m not sure it’s polite to just turn up is it? I’ll have to let you know how it goes.

Apart from doing something I love, something I have seriously neglected over the past few years, I was hoping that singing  with a group of people might help me to expand my social circle a little more.  It would be nice to have a few more people to eat cake with.  I certainly miss my bagel and cream cheese every lunchtime with the English Dept. ladies.

In other news, the relatively quiet business that Matt was harboring seems to be picking up.  He’s had some very important meetings with some very important people in Sydney this week.  We’re not getting our hopes up too high yet though.  This has happened many times before but we will stay positive  I’ve been kept busy with IWB consultancy too – Nothing like juggling the two jobs (and a demanding “volunteer” committee) !

The amount of trips to Sydney and Melbourne that have been made recently to find business for Matt, along with my increasing frustrations with career prospects here have meant that we have had a bit of a serious chat about taking a look at some Victorian suburbs.  Now… when I tweeted about that, one lovely person offered to take me to the Dickens’ museum in London… Although I would LOVE That (i really, really would) to Aussies, Victorian actually means a state… it usually means Melbourne – home of neighbours.

Go on, do the street view tour.

Making new friends isn’t all that easy when your 30 something for some reason. I guess we’ve just been spoilt with the relationships we had at home. I think the youngest friendship I have is at least 8 years old… so it’s probably a bit unfair to compare a friendship of that age to one that, at a max, is 2 years young?  It’s a strange set up though and I know it’s not one I’m alone with.  My besty feels the same way having moved 2 hours down the road to another city (UK that is) and is trying to create a new network herself!  The obvious answer is that she just moves here…  but I’m not sure her mother-in-law will let her

Oh! and by the way. If you want to get an email when a new post is posted – so you don’t have to check – then stick your email address in that box over there in the sidebar… the one at the bottom under the words “join 1 other subscriber”.  One… ah well someone’s reading Thanks mummycow

We have an appointment with our Doctor at the end of February to discuss our next steps.  We’re lucky that we have three more candidates on standby in the freezer.  Hopefully one of those WILL be Baby Woowaa.

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What song would you use to make an England or Britain day silly song?

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That little blob of messy, cells is number 13 of 15 fertilised eggs that Repromed have had in the incubator since Friday morning.  This little chap(ess) was chosen because he/she is made up of so many cells that you can’t count them anymore.  They’re all merging together, just as they should be.  There are already three more of these little, tiny things frozen for the future .  This little guy/gal was picked from those four because, apparently, there is already a tiny hole in him/her, which is, so we’re told, good and a sign that he/she is already ready to start the next phase.

This, tiny, weeny little thing was introduced to us on an iPad, in the hand of a smiling embryologist.  It was then shown to us “live” under the microscope before being placed on the thin end of a very thin, device and dropped inside me.  The Dr gave me an ultrasound wand to hold over myself, pointed at the embryo’s new home, so that we could watch the entire thing.  We got to see the end of the bendy straw sneak in there and drop it in place.  We also got to see it, sat there, afterwards.  Strangely, it kind of glowed in there.  I’m not sure why, but there was a definite light patch where it was sitting against me.

They write the number they've taken on your hand so you can see when you wake up.

It was a bit touch and go as to whether we’d be allowed to transfer the embryo today.  The doctor was aiming to retrieve 10 eggs on Friday; he got 29.  That’s a sign that my ovaries were very stimulated.  I was a bit shocked when I saw that inky number on the palm of my hand, I knew that there were 27 follicles on the Monday of that week but I wasn’t expecting there to be that many reaching the point of producing and egg… instead I ended up with 2 more!

Having sorted through those eggs we were told that 19 were mature enough to be inseminated with.. we’ll call it man juice… (lol) Having injected 19, by Saturday lunchtime 15 of those had fertilised.  Then it was just a case of wait and see.  Today there are 3 in the freezer, one in me, one that has 14 cells, another with 11, another with 8 (all of which are being left over night to see if they get to the stage the one you see pictured above is at – if they do they’ll be put in the freezer too).  There’s one with only  a single cell, after 4 days… lazy …and cells like that will not be frozen and kept for the future.

We’ve been really lucky to collect so many eggs as it will reduce the chance of me having to go through the whole process for a while.  We can use up each one of the embryos that are frozen, should we need to, before I (or indeed Matt) need to hand over some more.

The reason that it was touch and go was because, as we were told by the doctor today, in the past if they have collected 29 eggs they just cancel the embryo transfer.  That’s because, in order to produce so many eggs at once (i’ve just given up over two years worth of eggs in one go) my ovaries have to become enormous.  As a result, I am really bloated and a bit sore.  At the weekend I was REALLY sore and walking at the pace of a snail.  I’m on hormone therapy now too and the side effects of that include bloating too! However, they changed my trigger injection to Lucrin (instead of Ovidril) and this seems to have made all the difference.  Lucrin’s hormone release is shorter, meaning that my body has had longer to recover and calm down. Under instruction from the doc i’ve also been drinking 2.5 ltrs of water everyday to flush out as much as I can. Of course, i’m still taking the more traditional oestrogen (Progynova) and progesterone (Cronin) but all the Follicle stimulating hormones have wandered off.

Because my bloods showed normal levels of hormones, i’m not dehydrated and my belly shrunk a little less than an inch in a day, the Dr let us go ahead.  There is still a risk that I will still end up with OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) but if I do begin to feel ill, this time it will be because the pregnancy hormones are kicking in… which also means … I’ll be pregnant!  As long as we’re vigilant we’ll be fine  I’m sure.

Every step of this process has been a risk.  The risk of OHSS has been there at every step of the way.  If the Dr was happy to offer us the opportunity then we decided were we happy to take it.  So now all we have to do is sit and wait.  The next hurdle for me is a pregnancy test.  If there’s no period (sorry boys) by the 8th of Feb I have to pop in for a blood test.  That’s how we confirm pregnancy here – something I know N8Girl would have appreciated when she found out she was pregnant

Keep praying, crossing fingers and sending us positive vibes.

Go number 13!

Strange facts…

• On Friday we were laughing when we realised we had chosen parking space 13 as we headed to the operating theatre.
• Yesterday my mum sent me a silly email asking how the little ones were.  We made a joke that number 13 needed burping…
• Embryo 13 was chosen.

Spooky!

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